I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
