Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
