Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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