i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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