You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
