Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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