You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
