fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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