There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
someone owes me an orgasm
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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