I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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