i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
