I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
