You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
