You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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