it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
