i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
