Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
