Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
