i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
