you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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