We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
