I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
