He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
