I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
