Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
