no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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