My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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