I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
