I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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