He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
