i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
