My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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