it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
