I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
