the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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