The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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