she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
