I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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