she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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