well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
