i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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