The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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