I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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