i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
