It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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