What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
