I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
