I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
