he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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