I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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