I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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