Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
