the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
