Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
