I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
