They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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