He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
