Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
