Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
