Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
