You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
