just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
