sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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