wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
