Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
