I don't think brook has ever known best
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
