he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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