at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
