I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
