Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
